I think this is the first Thanksgiving where I have had a hard time being thankful. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for but not having my sister here trumps everything. My heart is just so sad. When will it stop hurting so much. Everyone keeps telling me that it will get easier and I am becoming impatient waiting for that to happen. I miss her so much. I look at her two boys and see her in their faces. I am happy and sad all wrapped into one. How do you bury your sibling and move on with a whole heart. It's like a part of me is missing and won't ever be filled again. I visited her grave the other day and could barely get out of the car I was so sad. I couldn't believe I was at the cemetery visiting my little sister. I just starred at her grave in disbelief. After a few minutes I came to the realization that this is real, she is gone, she is dead, she is buried, she is in Heaven. As much as I know its true I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I will never see my sister here on earth ever again.
Even though my heart is heavy I still have a plethora of things to be thankful for. I was given a gift when I got Lindsay as my sister and I was allowed to have her here for 28 years. I have an amazing family who all huddled together to support each other when we lost Lindsay. My friends have gone above and beyond to make sure I knew I had someone to lean on. And those two little boys, what can I say, they are just the joy of my life. I can't not look at them and not smile smile. All of the above make my heart happy and very, very thankful.
